The first question both parties should answer is whether there is personal and determined interest in saving the marriage. If it’s all for show or because there are extenuating circumstances like money or social pressure, nothing can be done to save the marriage. In the long run cracks will start to reappear and be more difficult to repair.
On the other hand, if both parties agree to try and save the marriage, the success rate is very high. Working a marriage counselor may speed things up a bit but it can also be done by the couple if you follow these basic rules.
The Past Is In The Past
Both parties have to agree that past mistakes are forgiven and must stay in the past. It would be fruitless to bring up past mistakes because it would only revive hurt feelings, regrets, and even anger. The injured parties, and both spouses are injured, have to agree to let the hurt go.
Start Being Nicer To Each Other
A big problem in a marriage is that often one spouse yearns for romance and attention – the kind that was enjoyed during the courtship period. Unfortunately, it almost ever happens because people become comfortable with each other so much so that it becomes a big effort to work on the romance especially after work.
Instead of focusing on the romantic love, it’s time to start being nicer to each other. Give each other the attention they deserve. If one needs to say something, stop and listen. Nothing should come between the time spent communicating. If an emergency arises, stop the conversation and continue it at a later time.
Think of one thing you can do for your spouse that would show how you feel and do this at least once a week. It can be something as simple as picking up your clothes or preparing coffee.
Take Time Off To Be Together
Even though the demands of life can be stressful and difficult, make time to spend together. You could go out for dinner or watch a movie at home. There are many ways you can spend time together without having to spend a lot of money. However, the time together should include some physical contact, communication, and no arguments. It might be difficult at the start but if are able to let go of any hurt feelings, anger, or resentment, it should be fun and friendly.
The bottom line is you need to reconnect through communication, physical love, and a grim determination to let go of the past and move forward together.
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